


Tips For All New Atlantis Supply Personnel

by Kateri



Category: Stargate - All Series, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-03
Updated: 2011-06-03
Packaged: 2017-10-20 01:49:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/207500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateri/pseuds/Kateri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In order to become the well oiled machine they are the Atlantis expedition has come up with a few lists for the new guys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tips For All New Atlantis Supply Personnel

Staff Sergent Greg Jones had thought he'd seen it all in his years in the Air Force but in the past few months every day had seemed to bring with it something new and strange. It had started with his introduction to the Stargate program, continued with his month long general orientation training, and then gotten even stranger with his two month training rotation at the SGC.

Staring at the list that he had received in his email though made him think that all nothing had in fact prepared him to work at his new base, Atlantis.

Tips For All New Atlantis Supply Personnel

 

1\. RC Cars are not toys, they are valuable training tools in hand eye coordination that double as compact stress therapy modules.

2\. While most military/SGC personnel can translate ‘a shit load of C-4’ into a quantifiable amount, for record keeping purposes it is best to instead be explicit in the tonnage being requested.

3\. Hair gel is not to be listed as a personal luxury item, instead it is to be requisitioned under the heading of ‘Uniform Replacement, Other’

4\. Surf Boards are not ‘leisure sports equipment’ they are ‘required life saving devices in case of catastrophic failure of the city’s ballast system’

5\. Baby clothes and other paraphernalia are to be listed under ‘Bonus- Pegasus Diplomatic Contractor’

6\. Popcorn is not a ration, instead it is a ‘valuable group therapy device’

7\. Chocolate is not a luxury ration, it is to be listed under ‘Medical Supplies’ and is to be requisitioned by tons (‘Prescriptions’ handled by Dr. Jennifer Keller to be filled once a month for qualifying personnel)

8\. Leather jackets for Off-world teams are not so scientist can look ‘cool’ they are to allow team members to blend in when Pegasus cultural standards.

9\. Midol- Triple whatever amount you believe should be requisitioned, The SGC is very understanding, and supports this policy

10\. Ditto for coffee, the SGC is quite aware that if necessary they are to cut food rations to allow for the proper amount of coffee.

11\. As per long standing cultural exchange directives established in the early days of the SGC all recent culturally significant theatrical productions, i.e. things with explosions, will be sent in every shipment for the Satedian Remnant, C/O Specialist Ronon Dex.

12\. As so far all requests for a supply of Mark-Nine ‘Gate-Buster’ Naquada Enhanced Warheads have been denied supply sergeants are herby instructed to begin arranging for request to be forwarded to Major General Jonathon ‘Jack’ O’Neill USAF, Head of Homeworld Security under the head ‘Cool-Shit That Blows Up’ along with an invitation to visit our fair city and a mention of the size of the fish the marine biology department caught last month off the South Pier.


End file.
